Welcome to the food and mental journal of Kristin!! I am pretty mental(you are now warned if you didn't already know) and I have been battling my extra weight now for almost 3 years. To go from perfect size 4 to the 10-12 that I am battling now is huge for me. I know for some of my friends and family they want to hit me because they would dream to be my size - and for this moment I am sorry to be complaining about this for your sake - but I cant take this anymore.
In October 2005 I woke up and realized things had drastically changed - I was 35 pounds heavier than when I moved here and didn't have a thing to wear - if you know me well enough then you know I always have enough clothes to fill up at least 2 closets. So I joined a gym and met the worlds best personal trainer - The incredible, fabulous and wonderful Wendi Starling. She changed my life!!!! I learned so much about food and how to eat right and also how to deal with the gi-normous mental battle of emotional and social pressure eating. I spent months paying her hundreds of dollars to listen to my "expansion of the truth" daily workout and eating habits - not losing any weight - and basically just lying to myself about my food issues and being too damn lazy, tired or whatever excuse I made up to just not go run some of this food off.
One day Wendi got pissed - and she really hurt my feelings - I have never told her this so when she reads this she may be a little surprised but really this saved me so Thank you!! She told me that basically I was not getting any results with my training and I was lying only to myself and that if I am not serious about losing weight that she would change my training plan to help me gain muscle and then I could eat everything I want.
So after I swallowed my pride - knowing that she saw through my food journal and my bullshit - I told myself I want to lose weight!!! From that point on in my training I started losing weight!!! I was really eating right - I just about stopped drinking [no I was not sick :)] and I felt great about it. I could have gone to the gym more but hey one step at a time. I got to the point where I had lost about 11 pounds and was almost a size 8 and then came the Vacation.
I went on vacation in August to Arkansas and once I came back I decided I needed a little break from the gym but that I would keep up on my eating habits. It worked until January 2007 and then slowly I forgot to stop asking for sauce on the side and no cheese and salad not fries...not to mention that I had not been to the gym since July - Dumbass moment here. Which brings me to today - I think the 10 lbs is back - I am eating for the sake of eating not hunger and I am way over eating. So you are thinking - What the hell - you obviously know how to eat and how to exercise and you recognize the problem so why the hell are you back to square 1? My answer - I don't know - it seems that the mind reverts to what it wants not what it needs so I started eating everything and more - another dumbass moment.
This brings me to why I have this blog. I knew this past weekend that I needed to get back on track and I know that I have to have my "support" to do it. I sent a text to Wendi yesterday - I hope to start hooking up with her on Sunday's - today is my last binge eating day - you have to pick a day and stop saying tomorrow - since tomorrow is the "day that never comes". My thought for this blog is that I can not only accurately write down my food but that I can put down the thoughts that I have that make me want to eat - part of eating badly is bitching about it, right?!
This time losing weight wont be about struggling to find the way it will be about returning to the cycle of eating and exercise that is going to make me the hottest chick you know and giving me a reason to bitch about it every day!!! :)
Thanks for listening and there will be lots more to come!
Love, Kristin
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